Do you like stories?

Of course you do! Who doesn't?

This is an old Hungarian tale I picked up on the road. It's been passed down from generation to generation. I think you may like it. It's been edited to make things seem, well... a bit cheerier. Let's see if you can tell.

Once upon a time, a bald jewish songwriter went out to make a record. This record was very good. In fact, our friend was so proud of the music that he gathered all of his friends from the forest to play on the record. On a chilly October afternoon, he drove up to Canada! That's right, the same Canada that sits right above your United States. This songwriter loved the project so much that he even bought a plane ticket to fly his brother up from Nashville to record him and his Canadian friends in the studio. After that was finished, he returned to the USA to record in his home state of New Jersey, a magical and beautiful kingdom full of fairies, princesses, and a big, scary giant who ran the studio. The giant finished the mixing of the record in June of 2001. The bald songwriter was all set to release his new music at a festival in July. But by then the giant hadn't slept at all so he became very tired. He quickly fell asleep. This was a very deeeeep sleeeep indeeed! Our songwriter moved up to Boston in the beginning of July. He wondered when the giant may finish the record... So he called, and he waited. The giant became very irritable to be awoken from his deep sleep and said some very mean things to our bald friend. He began to think the giant might never finish the record. Well, by this time, we were well into a New England winter and our bald friend had no place to live, no record to speak of, and never again heard from the giant. He started to have nightmares that the giant might do something horrible to him, so he never slept with both eyes closed. Finally, one day in May, he did get the record from the giant's studio only to find that all the songs had vanished magically! It was as if a warlock cast a mighty spell on them. Our bald friend didn't know what to do. It had been almost two years since he began this journey and he began to lose all hope. In fact, he didn't even want to exist on this earth anymore. Then one day, he found a compact disc in the back of his traveling vehicle. It was labled Album 7-01. The disc had scratches all over it and surely would not play, but our bald friend was jewish and grew up with the hanukah miracle, so he decided to give it a shot anyway. Well, no sooner did he put the compact disc into the player did tears begin to well up in his eyes. For on that disc, while rough and unmixed, remained the last earthly remains of his life, his love, and his passion. Yes, there it was in blessed ones and zeroes, the very creation that was lost for an eternity. Our friend was very excited indeed, so he began by making several copies of the disc. Then, he contacted all his friends from studios in far away lands. He commisioned wizards, magicians, mystics, and gypsies to bring his great work back to life. And as this story closes, our bald friend is preparing a royal gala to commemorate the momentus completion of the work entitled Roadkill Amerikana. Now, when he turns out the light at night, he has nothing but sweet, serene dreams...

THE END